Funny English Language
Funny English Language
Reasons
why the English language is hard to learn:
The
bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
We must polish the Polish
furniture.
He could lead if he
would get the lead out.
The soldier
decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
A bass was
painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the
invalid.
There was a row among the
oarsmen about how to row.
They were
too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
A seamstress and a sewer
fell down into a sewer line.
To
help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the
sail.
After a number of injections
my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the
tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of
tests.
How can I intimate this to
my most intimate friend?
I was proven right
that I had the right of way
Let's face
it - English is a crazy language.
There is no
egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work
slowly,
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea
nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth beeth?
Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese?
One index,
2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend.
If you have a bunch of odds
and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call
it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that
run and feet that smell?
How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you
fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going
on.
English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects
the creativity of the human race
(which, of course, isn't a race at
all).
That is why, when the stars
are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
